“Nanay, I’m the only girl without a pair of Barbie shoes.”
“Nanay, all my friends have cellphones but me.”
This was my mother’s favorite line whenever I’d ask her to buy me things (that I don’t really need). When I was younger, I thought she didn’t love me or maybe I was adopted. It took time before I understood that this was her way of teaching me to be indifferent of “material gratification”. Not that it’s a totally bad thing but because of this, I get easily pleased with simple things. I am actually thankful I was raised this way. Except maybe for that one time I offended my aunt by purposely losing a pricey watch she got me because I didn’t want it. I’d get so annoyed when she forces me to wear it. It was a very unacceptably rude (and an incredibly stupid) way to let someone know you’re not into flashy jewelry.
My mother didn’t want me to grow up manol*. It could also be a subtle way of telling me WE GHETTO but more importantly, she wanted to instil in me that that there are more important and rewarding things in life. Great conversations, an education, growing stuff in your backyard, laughing, Frank Sinatra, beaches, bird watching, good deeds, family, eating dried fish…Of course none of these mattered when you’re seven or eight! I literally get allergies every time she gets preachy about “l i f e ”.
17 years later, wow my preacher mother was right all along. I’m done with school, I earn my own money but I still feel poor in so many ways because:
It’s been ages since the last time I had sand between my toes
What do I know about growing stuff in the garden?
I have been selfish
I’ve not been very vocal and/or showy to the family… and to everyone I care for in general blah blah
My free time is usually wasted on scrolling my news feed and judging self-absorbed kids and people’s grammar when I can’t even correct my own
DRIED fvcking FISH is so fvcking expensive
So this is WHAT is: I don’t want to be this poor forever. This kind of poor is deadly. It’s a paradox of life. It’s worse than actually being monetarily-speaking-broke.
The new iPhone is out – SO, WHAT?
Everyone’s getting pregnant or engaged – SO, WHAT?
Some girl just instagrammed the turkey she had for dinner – SO, WHAT?
#PARTY #PARTYTIME #GOHARDORGOHOME #HANGOVER – Wow you must be so cool? LOL JK SO, WHAT?
I actually don’t know how to properly end this post but I’m going to end it with a hope that you know where I’m getting at. I’m just really drunk on thoughts tonight. Thank you, menstrual flow. Cheers!
*Apologies to non-Ilonggo friends but manol does not have a Tagalog/English equivalent lol